One month off Zoloft

When I say MENTAL you say ILLNESS

Hey y’all,

I have been neglecting you all a little bit as I have been dealing with some mild quarterly life crisis issues/seasonal melancholy. So basically in 2021 after I had recently gotten sober I developed some horrendous and crippling health anxiety and OCD which resulted in me going on Zoloft. Basically the best thing I ever did in my whole life ever and I stayed on it until literally 3 weeks ago.

I was honestly prepared to stay on it for the rest of my life so I could live life on EASY MODE but I was becoming sort of a numb zombie which got boring. I am someone who has always very deeply felt all of my emotions which I wear on my sleeve and that’s actually something I like about myself. (I am also on my Whitney Rose hilling journey to see if it improves my migraines at all). I was literally NUMB in all aspects like,,, I don’t think I was even feeling love for my family for a while because of the meds I was just blank which was nice because I couldn’t really express anger or sadness either. APATHY CAN ALSO BE FREEING NOMESAYIN?

Anyways so far so good except any video of Moo Deng is really a lot for me to handle, I just cry so much because she reminds me of Pancake and okay there I go again with the tears. The video of Ke Huy Quan accepting his Oscar is also hard for me or even just a photo of my Mom who doesn’t like me as much as I like her but I LOVE crying and I really missed it. I’ve also noticed that I am extremely irrationally angry and irritated very easily at the smallest things but I think/am hoping that it is just because it has barely been a month and maybe I will relax a bit. I also think it was making me so mean to men like I actually can’t describe how mean and hard I was on men which is challenging but hopefully after the initial rage period is over I get a little softer…… or else I have a lonely life ahead of me.

All this to say that I might be acting strangely lately and a bit of an unhinged psychopath but I am hoping sooner rather than later I resume regularly programmed emotions. I know a lot of people have had some really brutal side effects on SSRIs but I pretty much never experience side effects. The only time I was knocking on deaths door was after getting the Johnson and Johnson shot earlier than the rest of the American public because I lied and said I was a live in caretaker to an elderly woman. (I guess I just wanted the vaccine so effin’ bad? I can’t recall why I did this).

Last thing but does anyone else feel like mega failure lately or just me? I am having career panic and also upset as to why I am not famous yet or rich. Soon though… Like Moo Deng I will rise from the shadows to become the most talked about and worshipped It girl in the world. Everywhere you turn you will see me, every video you scroll past will be of ME.

Cut to an aerial shot of a door step and WHAM a newspaper slams down. Camera pans up and we see a young boy in tattered rags with a weathered brown satchel slinging newspapers from his bicycle. It’s one of those old ones with the really big wheel and the tiny wheel. The camera pans down the street to another stoop that has just received their paper, a young mom is picking it up as she calms her crying toddler she’s bouncing on her hip. “LILY DAVIDSON STUNS IN NEW SELFIE!” the headline reads. A picture of a beautiful young woman that looks like she could weigh no more than 140 pounds tops graces the cover below the headline. Camera cuts to three young girls skipping rope in the middle of the road. A fire hydrant is “open” (?) and the water is spraying beautifully into arches onto the street. The light catches the water droplets creating rainbows. A fourth girl runs up to join the others holding the daily paper. LOOK! she excitedly shows her friends the paper. The jump rope is abandoned as they crowd around her dying to get a glimpse. The shop keeper finishes opening the metal grates that covered his windows through the night, the window is filled with varying merchandise. I LOVE LILY in the “I love Lucy” font shirts adorn the mannequins in the front, plush toys of Pancake are being restocked by what appears to be the shopkeepers daughter. A line has started forming outside the shop. Young and old alike (her fans cover all possible demographics) are flocking to the shop.

I’ll stop now because I could probably do 40 more minutes of that and I am just picturing everyone groaning and being like come on Bitch.

Okay so tea but the next post is going to be a podcast recording because I got a mic and you can post podcasts and videos on here so we are LEVELLING UP PEOPLE.

Ok bye