Wet Hot American Midsomar

I've become a summer person

Hi silly billies,

I’m writing this at work because I want to be clocked in mama (just kidding if HR is reading this It is a satirical blog). It feels weird writing as myself because my chat gpt usage has been at an all time high (I use it for work I’m not some like pervert who is asking it to therapize me or anything).

As we near the Midsomer point I thought I’d reflect on my fabulous summer so far. I used to be a reallllll big summer hater like wearing a flannel and lurking in the shade while cursing the sun tanners around me at the park. I was chronically inside and counting the days until the leaves started falling and I could put pants back on.

This summer I have been OUT the fuck SIDE constantly. I have a glorious tan - direct from the sun not a bottle might I add. I literally can’t get enough of the sun it is like a drug (junkie behavior). I think it’s mostly because I am not a great big fat person anymore and that really helps that I can wear weather appropriate clothing and I don’t have hypochondriacal panic episodes that I have basal cell carcinoma. It’s a wonder what weight loss and sertraline can do.

I went to the Hampton’s for fourth of July which I have done for a few years now and I really love it because at my core I am a Nili Lotan wearing white woman with an MRS degree from Syracuse and I am obsessed with vulgar displays of wealth. I saw so many 17-20 year old girls wearing Rolex Datejusts, 20k worth of Cartier love bangles, and $700 Golden Goose sneakers and I just seethed with jealousy because my materialism has gotten a touch unruly if I’m being honest.

All my morals go out the door for a cottage like I will do anything to go to someone’s cottage I’m like one of those yacht girls. I just crave being out of the city and near some trees and a lake it really is very healing to just be in a lake. Minus the jet skiing I don’t really see the appeal and I find it embarrassing

Oh I’m also glad Love Island is done because it was making me so stupid and taking over too much of my time every night Jesus… But I am still watching Next Gen NYC which is arguably just as bad and stupid but sue me. I can’t drink or do drugs so let me have this.

I’m trying to think what else I can add to this that doesn’t seem random as hell like I’m grasping at straws. Should I ask chat? Jk. I’ve been off Instagram the past month or so because it is poisoning my brain and boring to me lately but I think it’s helping fix my worm brain. I’ve also been obsessed all summer with LA apparel and it’s mostly all I’ve been wearing which was good timing with the Netflix doc about Dov Charney being a sex pest oops.

That’s probably all for now but I’ll put up a post in the near future about my greedy list of things I want because I’m sick and gluttonous.

Okay bye stay cool in this disgusting wet blanket Toronto heat 🫶